What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other? - George Eliot
I coach because I spent a lot of time and effort trying to live from the outside in. What this means is I tried to have the “right” experiences/circumstances to be happy, content, and comfortable.
Becoming debt free – no mortgage
Because bills and debt are stressful
Changing jobs many times
Because one or more of the circumstances of the job was stressful
Climbing up the ladder to management, then climbing back down
Because making more money is what will make me happy, oh no, management is too stressful,
Losing weight – actually I fussed about my weight for many years before I actually lost it
Because weight issues are stressful, but then you have to maintain it
Because of the whole “happily ever after” thing
Move to Idaho
Because the Bay Area is crowded and stressful
Move back to the Bay Area
Because there is nowhere like the Bay Area
There was nothing wrong with any of the above, they are the events of my life. It’s the “because” that needs to be looked at. When we innocently believe that the “because” or the circumstances will create a certain consistent feeling, we are not aligned with the principles of how life works.
Feelings, or energy, move through us all day, every day. The events of our life don’t dictate our feelings, our thoughts do. If the events did, wouldn’t we feel the same way about an event always? I know I have had a spectrum of different feelings about the same event. In a lower mood or tired, my lovely home or my charming husband, lose their appeal.
I sought after the list above because I thought it would create happiness and peace. I’ve come to see that joy, wisdom, and calm are our birthright AND we have busy minds that didn’t get the memo.
When coaching we look at what is here when we turn away from the endless neediness of the brain’s chatter. What is already peaceful, content, and wise? The brain will say, “you won’t be ok until you get xyz.”, meanwhile we spend much of our life being ok AND having thoughts that “xyz needs to change or be a certain way to be ok.”
When I saw this, I felt more inner space. Not so wrapped up in my thoughts about all the “xyz’s”, I learned to have compassion for my jabbering brain. Patience with my humanity. Kindness with my history and conditioning. Nothing needs to change for me to be at home with myself.
And I can be disciplined, determined, and devoted when necessary to reach an intended goal. It is a lot easier without the encumbrance of how the goal is going to “fix my life.”
I coach because I love to help others experience this unfolding and relaxing.
I coach because it is a joy to see someone begin to trust their self.
I coach because I love to help others meet their goals without stress or any form of disrespect to their self.
Do you have xyz’s?
How would desiring your xyz be different if you knew you are ok with or without it?
What would it be like to trust yourself more?